I am Anna

28 May

I am Anna Renee Saunders

That is my real name. Even unconsiously I decided to use it on the internet. I plan to keep using it.

I am a woman. I am trans.

No more secrets no more closets. I have worried alot about how I look. I have worried alot about guarding myself. You know what? I am still not safe. I have decided I would rather be me and be proud of that. I don’t want to trade my closet of enforced boyhood for a closet of womanhood. I am woman. I am also a trans woman. That background is important to me. If I hide it no one will ever know me. It’s a very big part of who I am. I want to own that. I am also a woman and always have been, I don’t want to gain my chance to live my life only to have it feel confining.

Once upon a time I had a boy’s name. It was never me. Anna is me. If you ask me my boy’s name politely I will probably even tell you. Think about why you are asking though. That person was never me so why is it important TO YOU.

This decision liberates me from a lot of things. First and formost is the weight of secrets. They were killing me for years. I lived in a constant state of paranoia and that is hard to bear. It also allows me to continue to help other trans peoples on thir journeys. I won’t suddenly dissapear under the veil of stealth and living as a woman. Why do I need to anyway? I was always a woman. That isn’t changing. Just the shell. I can also finally start to not obsess about “Am I passing? How does my makeup look? Is this outfit signalling ‘boy’?” This part will take a bit longer but I need it gone. A constant state of fear is not worth it.

I know I am opening myself up for a world of violence and harrassment. Honestly, I have already lived in tht world and it isn’t that big of a change. At least I am being true to myself. I don’t say this route is safe or correct for everyone either. It is right for me though.

Anna Renee Saunders. A woman, a trans woman, a feminist, a skeptic, an anime fan, an aspiring nurse, a leftist, someone who really adores cute bunnies, a Blue Jays fan, and a complete music obsessive.

If you want to know me im here. I want to know you too 🙂

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2 Responses to “I am Anna”

  1. willonyx May 28, 2012 at 12:01 pm #

    Wow. Anna, You are amazing.

    • Xanthë May 28, 2012 at 1:01 pm #

      Seconded. It’s a pleasure and an honour to read your blog.

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